I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
