why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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