you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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