Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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