I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize