EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
