I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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