he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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