she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
