I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
