I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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