Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you would pick up someone in the library
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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