Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It's never too late to be topless.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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