Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
