I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
