Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
