Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
