I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
