Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
