They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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