I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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