What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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