I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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