i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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