I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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