:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
