??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
