Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
