By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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