sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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