woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
