Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
