i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
