She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
