I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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