Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
