I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You can't motorboat a personality
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
i now understand why vodka
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
