i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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