I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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