she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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