my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I haven't been this sober since birth.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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