maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
