part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
