I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
