I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
