I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
