If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
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Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
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I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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