If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Slut skills are useful in every country.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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