I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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