And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
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