If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
