I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
