Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
