woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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