I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
