i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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