Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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