I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
