Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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