dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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