dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I need a beard to bite.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
