i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
