like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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