so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
