i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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