I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
it's like heaven, but drunker
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
