Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
