i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
