i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
