i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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