what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
