She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
