If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
