She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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