These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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