These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
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u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
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I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
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