just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
