The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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