My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
