Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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